Writing about dating makes me feel so ~vulnerable~ and weird, but I talk about it all the freaking time so might as well exhaust even more people with my thoughts!!
New York vs. Everywhere Else
Firstly, I want to say that dating in NYC is a total different ballgame than any other place I’ve lived in. In Boston, San Francisco, and definitely in Vermont it was never assumed (at least for me) that the person I was consistently seeing was still going on other dates. In New York, though, I automatically assume that the person I am going on a first date with is seeing at least one other person already. (And that they might even have seen this person, like, minutes before taking me out).
I don’t really know why people in New York are so dating-crazed. It’s as if everyone that lives here had previously been living on a deserted island and its their first chance to bang after years of celibacy or something. Actually, people in New York act this way with everything – the way people drink and socialize here is as if its their last day on earth.
He def hooked up with someone else right before this
Why NYC Singles = NYC Psychos
I think all of this is because people really do work so hard here, and so many people live in this city that it can be hard to say no when it comes to going out and meeting new people. There’s a lot of temptation and a feeling that you (okay, me – I think this a lot of the time) can do better. It’s like, why settle when I know I am going out next weekend and am probably going to meet 3 more potentials?
After reading this, you’re probably thinking – okay, but why do I have to play this game if I really just want to be with the one person that I am currently dating? Answer: unfortunately, you need to stay in the game and date multiple people at once for many reasons. See below!
Energy is everything when it comes to first impressions. If your energy says this is my first date in months, and if this doesn’t work out I’ll be really disappointed – that’s a turn off. If, on the other hand, you’re dating someone else or multiple people already, your energy will feel less desperate and the other person will be able to sense that you’ll be just fine whether or not you see each other again.
You’ll end up putting way less pressure on the relationship, and in turn come off way more chill and FUN than you would have had you put all of your eggs in one basket. Guys gravitate towards fun (because they are all children, duh), so it’s important to not come off as the lame-o that’s sitting around waiting for a text.
Your outlook on dating will totally change if you decide to just have fun with it, vs. look at every date as a potential new serious relationship. Dating multiple people at once allows you to ditch any expectations of a relationship, because you are in a healthy head space where you really DGAF whether or not the next date turns into anything. You already have a few solid options and if those don’t work out, you’re onto the next.
Your time is precious. If you’re dating multiple people at once, it’ll be easier for you to weed out who is actually worth your time, and who is not. You’ll find yourself making time for certain people and not for others, and will naturally realize who you really like and who you don’t. Which leads me to the next idea…
You need to date a ton of people to figure out what you personally need in a partner. I myself have learned so much even from just 1 month relationships, and now I’m able to see the warning signs of a, for example, controlling f*boy – something that has come very much in handy!! All in all, you’ll learn what works and what just does NOT and you’ll end up wasting less time in the future.
As Jesus once said, the one who plays the hardest to get will always get the guy (okok Jesus didn’t say that, I did). This isn’t to say that you should PURPOSEFULLY play hard to get (I mean, if you do have that much self control, go for it), but when you naturally are super busy and involved with different people, the guy will get the message that if he wants to see you, he’ll have to put in the work and impress you. You become a prize to be won, and as mentioned before, men are children and need to be tricked into feeling that they are playing Grand Theft Auto or w/e when they are actually just DATING!
Overall, it’s so easy to sense who is in The Game and who is not. And if you’re not in The Game, you unfortunately become less desirable. 🙁
I think it’s worth mentioning that I am not always the best at taking my own advice. I have most DEFINITELY broken it off with certain people in order to spend more time with my front runner, even though we weren’t yet official. I do not recommend this!!! If you haven’t had a discussion determining that you two are exclusive, you have to put yourself first. I’m not always good at this – I do have a conscience (!!) and feel guilty if I’m spending a lot of time with one person in particular, but am still going on other dates – but unfortunately you can’t trust everyone (you’ve probably only been seeing each other for what, 2 months??) and you need to watch out for your own **corndog alert** heart.
Also, I know I mentioned this, but I need to stress this is suuuper New York specific (if people in other cities disagree LMK) – which is why dating here can suck if you want a relationship. I’ve definitely felt at times like everyone here is out for themselves, no one is genuine, everyone is a sex-crazed monster, etc., but it is what it is. If you look at it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself (a good rule in life is to always flip situations around so they benefit YOU in the end and no one else, derr) then it can be really fun.
OK am I Dr. Sydney yet??? Let me know if you agree/disagree with this – I want to know if other people feel the same.
Her phone just buzzed – Hinge notification from someone else 🙁